Heartbreak hit her in her 30’s.
She had never truly opened her heart, let her walls down completely.
She took risk by the hand as she walked into the feeling of love.
As a woman deeply in touch with her intuition, she holds the gift of seeing a man’s anima.
She wanted to trust that with her love, it would allow him to see his inner power.
Once the reality hit her, of his pulling away from her as far as he could was a choice. She could no longer hold on.
It triggered the very deep wound that she had always carried and why she avoided letting down her walls.
It reminded her heart of her deep abandonment of her father who was a cold and stoic man, yet she was the one who brought some light to his eyes.
Because she was abandoned at such a young age, she didn’t have the understanding and instead deep inside her body, there was a painful imprint. She built a callus of protection that changed like the seasons in the Midwest.
She had always lived in a tall castle that had a split of one side flowers hanging and wrapping its vine, that held blossoming colorful and beautiful pedals that reached to her window. While the other side of this tall castle had one dull crack after another, reflecting her 2 opposing sides of who she was.
She realized through this love and heartbreak that it was destiny gifting her the ability to heal.
The ability to fully experience the catalyst to her inner strength and love.
It was time to meet that little girl who had experienced that original painful impact.
She spent time with the intention of meeting this little girl who wanted deeply to be seen, felt, and held.
The heartbreak became less about him and more about bringing more mirrors to her pain. To her the emotional presence of the masculine and yet something that couldn’t be done by her real father or anyone as time doesn’t have a rewind button.
Her healing process has so much depth and wisdom.
Everyday she sets time aside for her to process whatever comes up.
The phases of grief are of the mind, body, and soul.
Some days, a river of tears came flowing.
The droplets were like a metaphor to releasing the emotional pain she felt.
As a highly sensitive person, the emotions she carries runs deep and intense.
She doesn’t quite understand them, as sometimes they overwhelm her.
Even that became a process she had to visit and become friends with. Learning how much the depth of her emotions aren’t what everyone experiences. She didn’t see that as a good thing at first, almost like a curse from the Greek Gods, Zeus the most powerful deity.
She then learned this was a superpower. Like anything, there is always duality to its pros and cons.
To see both and chose to embrace both sides like Grandmother Willow as a wise advisor.
This becoming the reason she felt so deeply yet also feels the pain at its profound level, especially as she promised herself to face the pain head on.
She’d disconnect from the world, to be with her pain, as God held her closely in her emotional pond.
Each day her strength to feel her deep emotions grew stronger. Allowing her to feel more connected to pain as medicine.
Not only her own medicine but it’s the superpower – the ability to hold space for others through their emotions. Giving others the permission to not run from them rather hold onto them. Those who connect with her can feel a sense of safety to embrace emotions rather than feel shame.
She’d become so invested in learning more about her needs and values, having the deep intentional dates she had always wanted with another person with herself.
Attachment vs detachment became words she began to deeply get to know.
While attachment is a need in our developmental stages, it sets the foundation to much of our inner and external safety with another.
Detachment a buzzword that has been victimized to become the towers cousin, had gotten it wrong.
Healthy detachment is like of what one experiences as a parent. You birth your child, and you raise and nurture them unconditionally. Eventually they grow and detach to continue their path.
Detachment is to be okay with your own sense of self intrinsically and allowing for another the choice to dance with everything that you are as you are in a dance with change. You don’t do anything to change yourself or the other person to stay or fit into an illusion you created for them.
To share your heart with someone and if they happen to only last a season, you thank them for being a part of your story.
Sometimes their part in your story has an ending and while pain will vacation in your internal world for a little while. You treat the pain as a special guest needed extra attention.
She’d continue to invest into learning more, as being an investigator and a researcher are her secret weapons and natural strengths.
The relationship building with herself became the primary focus while also visiting old wounds, patterns, and ghosts as she danced with the two.
Some days she danced to the beat of an angry hard rock song while others she danced to the beat of a soothing jazz tune.
One day she was on a trip to Venus, ready to explore the love of beauty. Not the kind of beauty that society has created an illusion and veil out of.
The beauty that we find in the places we often overlook. The beauty found in plants and flowers, or when you look at the sunset. Walking into an art palace where hundreds of hours, emotions, thoughts, and hands had all touched the canvas that told a story by each painter.
On a day she was surrounded by this beauty, she asked herself if she was ready for love again.
Was it too soon, she gently asked herself. Giving the intensity that she experienced grief, reconciliation of past and present pain.
She recognized everything she had gone through, what all it taught her like a flash before her eyes.
Part of her was and a part of her felt she wasn’t.
It wasn’t even fear of the risk because she felt confident to be equipped to trust herself.
But rather, a part of her that felt she kind of liked giving her the space to fall more in love with herself.
Not that a partner needs to end that relationship with self, but she was really enjoying just her and her.
She became weary of the “options”, the world is currently facing a split.
Some men are also healing, and some are running away and prefer games.
Some have such tainted relationship with their mother wounds unable to see the good women.
Some are far too focused on their lack of sexual discipline and desire to be a slave to their flesh and have yet to learn to value a woman’s delicate layers that she reveals to a man slowly.
Not realizing that a woman can deepen her sexual energy force only after she has felt and seen a man as her protection, leader, and safety guardian. When he allows himself to be vulnerable to her.
A soft voice whispered to comfort her thoughts and heart of this worry.
